I like to write stories.

Monday, July 27, 2009

4:45AM - The 100th Monkey Syndrome

They say the world is a stage, but it's also a boxing ring.
If you make part of the world, then you are part of the world.
Who am I? The answer is just the question in reverse.
?jordanA Divinorum
The question mark is the starting point of a revolution - a paradigm shift into a reality of tolerance and acceptance of people from all walks of life.
I don't want an identity or personality; that's my freedom of choice.
I am consciousness.
Nothing matters and everything matters at the same time.
Everything is one thing divided into infinite parts.
We're coming to an end of the religions that are taught to us as a family tradition, an end of bleak atheism, and an end of ambivalent agnosticism.
The new faith is a passion for life. A desire to accomplish your goals and and begin the Great Work. Instead of wanting to be loved, we want to love.
The new faith is against superficial ideas of individuality. The more each person is themselves, the more alike we are. If you stop conforming, then you stop being fake, and the real people can exist without any bullshit between them.
When you live in a world without magic, it feels like you're dead.
A kiss without magic doesn't speak louder than words.
The more honest and pure you are, the more Divine Providence flows through you and the more you reflect the light shining down from above.
The only way to succeed at anything is to overcome yourself and your worst fears.
I'm a musician that values silence over sound. Any problem can be solved with silence, and any enemy defeated.
I believe music is the microcosm of reality. The unity of spirit painted onto the liquid canvas of time.

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Monday, June 18, 2007

4:29PM - I was me at the party.

Reality is recursive. Mathematics are universal, and language is regional.
Go out of your mind and find yourself.
I was me at the party, going around and around my head.
Northwestern Ontario will know...
No matter what you say to me, I don't understand you until I've been there and been you.
You will only get what you're giving to yourself.
I can escape the world but I can't because it is the world.
Suicide is a smile through dimensions.
You can't see here because you can't be here.
Do you see the bullshit of life?
How's this for cliche?
I'm the entertainment tonight.
I'm a liar telling the truth.
I know it's hard to believe.

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Tuesday, April 10, 2007

2:52AM - Alien Fireworks

She'll be gone in September,
and she dared me to fly.
The days are flying past me,
and maybe I won't cry over you.

She'll cry every Wendesday,
her tears make her red.
She wears a blank expression,
just to catch her breath.

I'll watch the fireworks.
We'll watch the fireworks.
We only have one goodbye,
and goodbye takes so long.

Sometimes I don't understand what you say.
Sometimes I don't really listen.
Everything I look at makes me blind to something else.
When you barely sleep, days are one long day.

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Sunday, March 18, 2007

2:48AM - Matona Mia Cara

Sometime in the near future, Dee and I are going to record some classical music, mostlly magrigals. I think that singing those sings in the classical style isn't really enough. I think to bring a song to life, you have to perform in in context with the times. I don't think a choir can really express the feelings of an individual. I think we're going to start with Matona Mia Cara and Pslamo 150 and see where that takes us. I think if a song is about love or spirituality, or whatever, it should have a lot of feeling behind it. It shouldn't be done for money or anything else. It should be real. If a composer wrote a song about a girl, then you should be in the same situation when you cover that song, or at least own the life experience necessary to cover the song.

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Saturday, March 17, 2007

2:23AM - A kiss that can break the spell or concrete of apathy.

In a way, I finally feel like I fit in, because no one has what they really want, and I surely don't. A lot of times, I wake up and I think about how I should have been more pro-active in terms of pursuing girls in my sociology class. One of the reasons why I didn't was because I was with a really bad girlfriend at the time, and I had a lot of anxiety problems. I don't blame anyone else, I'm only explaining my situation. I am totally, 100% responsible for where I am today and that's why I have myself to blame and no one else. I've learned a lot from my mistakes and the stifling of my fears. I hate fear. You are totally liberated without fear. Without the fear or rejection, being attacked, going to jail, losing friends, losing lovers, you are totally free. But no one wants freedom. Freedom comes at too high a price.

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Saturday, February 17, 2007

1:33PM - I love people that hate life.

Live journal is total crap. I guess it's nice to read pointless things your friend post, but I can't really say anything sincere on here, because we're all fakes, we'd all lose a lot if we actually said what we meant, or at least I would. Most people hate their bosses, but they don't tell them off because they want to work. Most people think their girlfriends aren't as pretty as the other girls they think about, but they don't tell them that because they don't want to lose the person they can have convenient sex with. I really don't read the crap on here because most of it is complete garbage. Maybe people aren't honest with other people because they aren't even honest with themselves. I don't really think I'm better than anyone, I've stolen from people, I've lied to people, I've cheated on girlfriends, I've tried to fight my friends, and I became human. But that's what humanity is, isn't it. An animal pretending to be righteous and more than an animal, pretending to have values and ethics that they don't live by. Preaching and never practising. I kinda feel like my profession is total crap. Music is great and all but maybe I would be contributing to society more if I built a bridge or something. I guess it does help others to teach them to play music and express themselves though. I think that's important, it causes depression when you don't express yourself completely.

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Saturday, December 30, 2006

9:46AM - O Magnum Mysterium.

This is my reflection for the year of 2006.
I believe that mystery is important. I think that if we knew for a fact what happens when we die, there would be no living. If we knew something great happened when we died, we would all probably just want to die so we could go there. I think the uncertainty, the idea that this could be all there is for us is what gives us something to live for. I think of the relationship between God (or the infinite) and reality like an atom. Reality is based on duality and is therefore represented by the electron and proton which cancel eachother out, equalling zero, and what's left is the neutron representing God or oneness. Everything that exists in our reality has a vibration and vibration is the oscillation between two points (two poles of duality). In a state of oneness there is no vibration, only being. Nothing is in fluctuation.
I think moments of happiness are much like the mircale of birth. It's something to experience, to enjoy living in that moment, but it would become plain and unremarkable if it were to persist. Important things happen at important times. I've come to be a spiritual person, but not someone that follows a religion or talks about new age religions with middle aged Wiccan ladies. The moments in my life that make me feel alive are my religious experiences. Art has become my religious language because it is the antithesis of depression, the true expression of the mind. I don't seek to do good deeds or evil deeds, but to love life and to be genuine. It's now time to contemplate why I am contemplating. I don't see showing emotions as showing weakness. I understand that expression is the opposite of depression and that the more manifested your expressions, the more complete they are, the less you will be choked by them distrupting your serenity.
The only thing you can prove is that nothing can be proven. Time itself is a circle. The things we write about in our journals, or tell our closest friends become our holy words, our wisdom, our comprehension in our own book of revelations, our word. There is no final judgement or judgement at all because what you do defines who you are, and you will reap your own rewards and punishments for your actions. Enjoy your rewards and learn from your punishments. This dream goes on forever, and we are the imagination of ourselves. I think everyone is an artist in some way, everyone has the ability to express themselves. To me, an artist is the same as a hunter, an artist seeks to capture beauty. But beauty belongs to neither superficial definitions of beauty or ugliness. Beauty is real, profound, subjective, impacting and unforgettable. An artist is someone that can share his world with another world. When we achieve total enlightenment, we will achieve nothing.

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Thursday, November 16, 2006

8:24AM - Keep nature legal

http://cbs4denver.com/topstories/local_story_317232334.html
Here's another half baked news article on Salvia Divinorum and the talk of banning it. I wonder why it's never been banned in Mexico. Probably because idiots don't drive and smoke it there. Maybe they should outlaw it in the USA; I doubt American society is ready for it the way Mexican society is. Who are they even trying to protect? They should ban alcohol and tobacco first if they want to save lives. I have a real problem with laws prohibiting plants. By making something illegal, you're just going to create a market for it on the street and people are going to be buying crap that's poorly grown and probably laced with something retarded. I'd rather know exactly what I'm putting into my body. When I drink booze, I know exactly what type of poison I'm injesting, and I can trust the source.
Another problem I have with this article is that everyone that was interviewed in it sounded like a moron. Salvia is a spiritual tool, the same way a hammer is a physical tool. You can abuse Salvia Divinorum and do it without a sitter, and run into traffic or something, the same way you can abuse a hammer and bash someone's head in with it. It's hard to talk about an experience you can barely put into words but Salvia has helped me many times and also helped other people. I think in a way it gives you the ability to see things for what they are, to see the world through everyone's eyes, to understand with everyone's opinions and perspectives simultaneously. Maybe that doesn't belong in the world right now because it's too real. In my opinion, Salvia differs from other "drugs" because it's not a tool for escapism, it's a tool for realism and facing reality. Salvia isn't about getting people hooked, or making money or being cool, it's about remembering the things that make life worth living. A lot of things in life really suck, but there are a lot of awesome things too and I think we lose our sense of humour and philanthropy sometimes. I partially blame mainstream religion, herd mentality, and the promotion of individuality as a device to seperate people and control them. There are so many sad and lonely people out there that look to things like religion, drugs, and other forms of escapism to feel loved. I think it's more effective if you start the ball rolling yourself. If you want a life filled with love, then start loving, don't sit around waiting for it.
People in the article smoked it without knowing anything about it, other than it was legal. That's really smart. I read everything I could on it and tried it in a safe environment that was recommended to me. I wish other people would educate themselves before diving into the shallow end of a swimming pool. I haven't seen anything positive being printed about it, probably because they just want to repeat what the people say about Salvia being like "a crazy acid trip; you're totally retarded." What about the fact that it's a totally natural and very effective anti-depressant? I guess that should be overlooked. You wouldn't want people using something that comes from nature and stop using synthetic drugs. The bottom line is, the government has no right to tell people what they can and can't put in their bodies. If our society is so advanced and educated, why are people too stupid to make intelligent choices for themselves? As soon as something real, something that shows people what's going on enters our society, it's instantly banned. We hate reality, we love escapism. Our mentality is completely lazy and stupid. People say: "It makes you hallucinate, ban it now!". While people who are more aware will say: "It makes you hallucinate, we'll find a use for this, we can study this, we can make this a positive tool in our development." How many shamans in Mexico wind up in the ER? Seriously, this is absolute garbage. It's incredible to see how weak and stupid some people are. Maybe they're right in a way. Maybe their kids are so stupid that they will not educate themselves before they abuse unknwon substances and end up in the hospital. Should we ban meditation too because that can result in visions and "hallucinations"? I guess we should outlaw the human brain too for containing dimenthyltryptamine. Looks like we're all going to jail.

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Saturday, October 28, 2006

1:06AM - mix it up

Just thought I'd ask. Does anyone know anyone that's selling a 4 channel mixer. I need to use a mixer as a pre-amp when I record and mine started on fire last night. Word.

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Thursday, September 28, 2006

3:44AM - The hungry monkey syndrome

It's September 28, 2006, and I'm still not totally over my cold. And I'm still waiting to record the lyrics on the Jordana CD. Everything is pretty much set in stone as far as music and lyrics go, and now that that's said and done, I really want to do something more abstract. I kinda feel like stepping outside of my safety zone musically and lyrically. I believe that nothing in the universe is random, everything is part of a well balanced equation equalling zero. Anything physical is an illusion. Our environment is based on duality and we are beings of duality. We can choose to do good things or bad things, we can choose whether to create or destroy. We can create any reality we want to. Once you understand this fully, you will understand sympathy, the philosopher's stone, teleportation, and thought/emotion conversion. I believe that reality is recursive. What I wish to create is a piece of art that is an attack on superficial ideas of beauty and insincerity where that criticism is looked at through a camera by a person that understands and appreciates all the elements that are preconditions for the realization of art like that. Every revelation is another step back through another t.v. screen. Dimensions are exactly what they sound like, scale settings. What's the difference, if you live in a 2 foot by 2 foot reality, and you're 2 inches tall, or if you live in a 40 foot by 40 foot reality and you're 40 inches tall. We are limited to observing a small range of all the frequences that exist in the same space. The artist, the musician, the philosopher, the libertine, their job is to educate and bring others into fruition. Awareness is bliss.

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Wednesday, September 13, 2006

3:45AM - the Gates of Hell

It's going to be a while before I get to do any vocal recordings on the Jordana cd, so I think I'm gonna record a few songs at my house, starting with The Gates of Hell. My friend Paul wrote the words in grade 9 and I wrote the music on the spot.

"The Gates of Hell"....written by yours truly and Paul Muzzin.

Guide me down to the gates of Hell, where the fires burn.
Guide me down to the gates of Hell, where good has no concern.
C'mon Lucifer, let me defend.
Armageddon's started, but I can make it end.
"Haha, poor mortal, your future is made.
By night tomorrow, humanity will fade."
Guide me down to the gates of Hell, where the air is misty and murk.
Guide me down to the gates of Hell, where evil spirits lurk.

Mp3 to come soon.

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Friday, September 1, 2006

3:44AM - Summer's Dying Fast

Summer is over, but at least I have a show this saturday, Sepetember 2nd at Lakehead University. I'm taking some courses there to finish off my music degree, and I'm pretty hopeful that this show will be pretty good. I'm kinda excited to learn how to work with 12 tone and atonal music better. I know that my band has offended parents and probably a few religious people, but I think I'll feel like an artist when I can offend the people in Jordana Divinorum and myself. I want my ideas to scare me into creating scarier ideas to silence them.

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Monday, July 17, 2006

3:37AM - I repeat, I repeat.

This is our life, and we are collectively unconscious.
What are you not seeing? How narrow is your scope?
Why do we have laws that punish people for doing bad things and no laws that reward people for doing good things?
I look up at heaven and it looks like I am standing at the bottom of the ocean, looking up through the water that distorts and bends the light that creates the world I exist in.
How can you receive light if your eyes are not open, if you are not fully aware.
Everything that exists can be reduced, simplified, and transformed.

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Monday, July 10, 2006

1:15AM - I am the Lady of Mexico

Today's band meeting was only 4 and a half hours. I got to hear the new recording of Over My Dead Body though, which sounded pretty good. It's kinda funny that this is the first recording we've paid for with money and not drugs. I really need to get some red wine and make some blue lotus wine, I have so much just sitting in my room. Almost all of my Salvia plants died, but my Baby Hawaiian Woodrose is growing strong. I think I'm going to grow Kratom and Sun Opener as well. Maybe Lion's Tail. I got kicked out of the Office on Canada day, and then I went to this party with Glenn and Colin and some girl was accusing me on breaking her door. As if I just show up places and break doors. There were girls dancing on tables, it was a lot like a non-nude strip club. Then we went to Colin's place and he apparently bought me a cab ride home but I remember walking so I think the cab driver probably kicked me out for having open liquor in my hand. I know how to party. I also still have the scar on my forehead from walking into my fridge after drinking Harvey Wallbangers. I still gotta drink that gross Cherry liquor Jimmy got me for my birthday, ewwwww.

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Friday, June 23, 2006

5:51PM - Happy Birthday to Me

I'm having my birthday party tomorrow night, as in Saturday the 24th, at my friend Nikki's house which is 530 East Christina St. If anyone wants to come, you can meet me at my house before hand for some drinks or go straight there like after 9. Anyway, that's all for now. Be there.

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Monday, June 12, 2006

2:41AM - Gremory's memory.

I think there's a time in everyone's life when they find God. I discovered the god of drinking and I learned moderation. I discovered the god of beauty and dance and I can only believe in a god than can dance. What moves you is what moves the universe. All motion in the universe is the consquence of the tension between opposites. I don't want to feel good because of you, I want you to feel good, and you will.

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Monday, June 5, 2006

3:43AM - Eel is good to eat.

Saturday night was business as usual. I was putting ice cubes away and I hit my head on the freezer door and now I have a pretty retarded looking cut on my forehead. Colin, Jimmy, Jasmine and I hit up the Sushi Bowl for foodstuffs and drinks, and then went to Kilroy's to see the Flairs. I bought them some drinks because I wanted them to be hammered before they went on stage. I think they really appreciated it. Me and Colin were the only ones really moshing or rocking out, the other ten people were just standing there when the Flairs played. After that we went to the Pier and the place was packed with lesbians. I can't wait to record the Jordana album, which should happen by the end of the month. I feel the music I'm writing now is better and with more lyrical depth. Classical music is what influences me the most when I write. Lately I've also distanced myself from negative people. There are a lot of people that have taken advantage of me, and a lot of people that hate themselves, and it's just not worth my time to put up with crap. I like being around positive, responsible people. Today I went to see See No Evil which was alright for a cheesy horror movie. That's all for now.

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Saturday, April 29, 2006

3:07AM - Last night I had the strangest dream

Some people believe in true love. Some people believe in angels and demons. Some people believe in God. Some people believe in the power of music and words. I can tell you this, that all those things exist because someone believes in them. When you live and embrace these things, you make them real. Don't mourn the death of a rock star. They placed their flag on the summit of greatness and never came back down. To die in the name of art of music is to die in the name of love, and to die in the name of love is a death that is not in vain. What matters are the things that matter to you. Your reality is different from mine. What wavelength are you on exactly? What am I a symbol of? I could be a a paragon of freedom or bondage, depending on who looks. But who cares, who stares? It doesn't matter. Anti-matter. Time goes forever backward, and forever forward. This moment has existed before, and this moment will exist again. Does it make a differnce when different lips read the same words?

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Friday, April 28, 2006

3:01AM - Hmm.. Kelsey's or the Sushi Bowl

Today I went to the sushi bowl with Shauna. It was good times. I had a Philly roll and a California roll. The waitress spilled my tea all over the table and just covered it up with a place setting. Fuckin Sushi Bowl kicks my ass every time I go there, holy fuck. Then we went to Vickers and smoked some salvia. I thought the cars going down Arthur street looked like they were going through the trees in the park because the trees were like black silhouettes against the rich blue evening sky. That amused me for a while. I think this summer I'm going to smoke more salvia that I ever have before. It's the perfect summer to walk around and smoke strange legal drugs. After that, we picked up Colin and watched Saw 2. Then Shauna went home and Colin and I went to Bp for a fucking Hawaiian pizza and a fucking beer. I had a Guiness. That is good fuggin beer. But the real question is... Kelsey's, or the Sushi "Bowl"?

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Saturday, April 22, 2006

2:35AM - Dmt, the spirit molecule.

Tonight after band practise, I walked down to Players bar to hang out with Colin, Brian, Neil, and Tom. I really enjoy walking. On the way home, I walked by my old highschool, FWCI. I stopped and I went over to the tree that was planted in dedication to Denise, an old highschool friend that had died on June 3rd, 1999. I payed my respects and made my way home. Then I had a drink. I was going to make a Harvey Wallbanger, but I don't have ice cubes or the proper orange juice, so I should get that tomorrow. I'm heartcore.

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